Living in Time

This was posted on my Tumblr in February:

So God just hit me with a ton of bricks last night. Well, actually, last week I prayed that God would speak to me, guide me, give me direction. I just didn’t actually expect him to strike me with such hard things to contemplate and mull over. At Kaleo last night, it was like I was holding a giant basket over my head and He dropped a brick in, then another, and another, until I was completely overwhelmed by His presence, reality and realizations.

I have so many things running through my mind. But for now, I’m just going to touch on one.

Time.

Yesterday was Ash Wednesday, and I was constantly reminded about how short this temporal life is. From dust we have come, and to dust we shall return. Death is a part of life itself. But what do we do with the living portion? How do we live our lives with the time we have?

Two different thoughts on this came to my mind.

Should we live making every moment count, in the here-and-now, for today and not tomorrow, not putting off anything, now now now; “Live like you’re dying” so to speak?

or

Should we live in patient prayer, waiting for God to give us the green light, faithfully listening for Him to direct in His timing?

This is so hard for me to wrap my mind around. I’ve always thought that the best way to live life is to live for the moment- tomorrow is in no way guaranteed. In fact, people take life so much for granted and take the reality of death so lightly. What if I were to die tomorrow?! How would I want to live today? What would I do? What would I say? How would I live?

But there’s another reality- one that says to wait patiently in prayer. God has a different timing than our own. And His clock is the only one that is on time. What if God doesn’t want me to do that now? What if He doesn’t want me to say that now? Does He want this for me ever? Or just not at this time?

What if I am to die before I accomplish/succeed/finish/do whatever it is that I feel called to do? Is this because I misheard God? Or is this a harsh and bold way of Him saying “no”? But on the other side of the coin, what if I do something today that God did not want me to do at this time? What if He wanted me to wait but instead I was so immersed in living in the now?

I’ve felt called to go to Uganda to work with kids in an orphanage for about five years now. I had an opportunity to go this summer. But with prayer, I felt as though God was saying “no”, at least not at this time. But what if I am wrong? What if this summer is the time and the opportunity God has prepared for me and I just passed it by? What if my life comes to an end before my next opportunity a few years into the future? Does that mean that I just misunderstood my calling? Or does it mean that I was supposed to not wait?

I am not saying that I am going to die in the near future. At least I’m not planning on it. But the reality is that we don’t know how long or short our lives are going to be. No one lives forever in this world. The only conclusion, or at least semi-conclusion, I have reached is that we should live every moment seeking God, furthering His kingdom, and asking how to best fulfill our purpose in His plan. Then maybe we will know with certainty to do/say/accomplish something now, or later, in this temporary life.

So which way is right? Which way is most Biblical? How are we to best live our earthly lives in a way that furthers the kingdom of God for the eternal life that lies beyond death? Does time even matter? Or is it the intentionality of seeking God, for however long or short, that matters more?