Oh, How He Loves Us

This was posted on my Tumblr in December:

There are no words to describe it. There is no humanly possible way to express it. It is completely inconceivable for the human mind. It is unable to be defined, only experienced.

God’s love.

It truly is “vast beyond all measure”, to quote some honest lyrics. It wasn’t until about 3 weeks ago that God revealed to me his love in a way so much more evident than I ever have experienced in my life.

In the middle of November, I was reading a chapter out of Blue Like Jazz. It was here that Donald Miller says that loving yourself is simply allowing God to love you. Further, you cannot truly express the love of God to others if you don’t love yourself.

At first, I was completely shattered by this. To sum it up, I have battled with a lack of self-confidence for a solid seven years or so. I can honestly say that I haven’t fully and truly loved myself for that length of time. So, to recognize that I have not been fully experiencing or sharing God’s love for this long left me in stunned silence.

From there, I proceeded to do a study of what the Bible defines as love according to 1 Corinthians 13. I would meditate over one part of the verses every day, praying about it, and asking God to show me what is meant by “love is patient” and “love is kind”. Throughout these 2 weeks, God kept persisting in sharing this message to me- in chapels, in classes, in conversation. That in and of itself was sheer evidence of his pursuing love. Then, the final day of this study was Nov. 25- the day I left for Mexico Outreach.

In Mexico, God so visibly and obviously displayed his love. (Details are in my post, “Mexico Outreach”.) God used me to love others. But more than that, the people there that I had gone to minister to and to bless, ended up blessing me and showing God’s love to me. I felt as though I received more than I gave.

Over the next few days after I had returned from Mexico, I did a lot of contemplation over everything that had occurred in the last few weeks. One day, I was deep in prayer, and I was suddenly overwhelmed by something- I realized that I love who I am becoming in Christ. That is the key- in Christ. Nothing else matters. I am allowing God to penetrate my heart; I’m allowing him to love me; I am loving myself; I am radiating his love. For the first time in seven years, I love who I am and who I am becoming. All I can do is give all the praise to God who formed my heart and love him in return!